


Endgame:  It's not about you

by lita



Series: The Adventures of Stephen Strange and His Super Awesome Cloak of Levitation [19]
Category: Doctor Strange (2016), Guardians of the Galaxy (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Humor, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Attempt at Humor, Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Compliant, Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Spoilers, Character Development, Character Study, Developing Friendships, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Friendship, Gen, Humor, Hurt Stephen Strange, Hurt/Comfort, Male Friendship, Not A Fix-It, POV Third Person, Parent Tony Stark, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Precious Peter Parker, Psychological Trauma, Some Humor, Stephen Strange Dies, Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Trauma, stephen strange has a heart
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-02
Updated: 2018-05-02
Packaged: 2019-05-01 05:56:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,616
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14514000
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lita/pseuds/lita
Summary: A missing scene between Tony grounding Stephen after his travel to the future and the battle with Thanos. Tony had a heart to heart with Stephen and Stephen contemplated about his decision.





	Endgame:  It's not about you

**Author's Note:**

> -Unbetaed, non native speaker so please kindly point out any mistakes  
> -Warning: More angst than what I usually write.

“Strange, you alright?”

He nearly fell as he opened his eyes.

He was surprised that Stark was there to catch him.

“You’re back. You’re alright.” Stark said as he touched his arms, grounding him to here and now. He was grateful because his mind had been to the future 14-million times too many. He remembered each one of them vividly thanks to his eidetic memory.

“I went forward in time, to view alternate futures. To see all the possible outcomes of the coming conflict.”

They were all stunned to silence.

Quill was the first to break the silence. “How many did you see?”

“14,000,605.”

Stark asked, “How many did we win?”

“One.”

Instead of grilling him for some details, Stark said, “I understand-not the travelling and living more than 14-million lifetime part. That’s freaky. But I understand it’s tough to see your friends die and you don’t.  I had a vision like that once a few years ago and it still haunts me until now. I can’t imagine going through that for so many times.”

He noticed that the Guardians had left so they could talk in private. The boy, Peter, stood a few meters behind. He dared himself to look at Stark in the eyes. Instead of mockery, he saw understanding and respect . It didn’t make sense. He must have imagined it. Why would Stark respect him? Stark must have thought of him as a lunatic.

 He surprised himself when he said, “I remember every single one of them thanks to my eidetic memory. I didn’t always survive… I just wanted us to win even if I died multiple times...”  He didn’t want to whine but he certainly sounded like he did. Surviving for 500 times but seeing others die, dying for 10 million times, or being tortured before dying for 4 million times certainly did a number on him.

Stark..Tony winced.  “That’s rough. I didn’t know that you’re a masochist. I guess that was the reason you could remember all the spells you used. Did you meet Harry Potter at your school?”

Since when did he call him Tony?  Perhaps in a lot of futures he saw Tony sacrificed everything to save everyone? He must have admired Tony since the 200th time that happened. Perhaps because Tony was still concerned about him after he told Tony that he would put the Time Stone above his and the kid’s life. He felt terrible. “Harry Potter gets nothing on me. Don’t you want to know which future I saw that we win…won?” The tense for time travel was confusing.

“I’m sure you‘d share with us if you think that was the right thing. Or perhaps you thought sharing with us would affect our decisions? Or perhaps you had even envisioned this conversation and had your answers ready? Time travel gives me headache and that doesn’t include your magic.”

Stephen laughed even though it was not funny. He understood how Wong felt after the Hong Kong incident with Dormammu. That felt like a lifetime ago, well 14-million life time ago. His non-existent therapist certainly would have 14-million more things to discuss besides his multiple “real“ deaths by Dormmamu. He laughed more at the thought of real deaths and future deaths. If they happened in the future, did it mean they were not real? He certainly felt all of them. He continued laughing.

“Mr. Stark, why is the Doctor laughing?”

“I think he is in shock because of his multiple traumas. You’re OK. You’re safe here.” Tony hugged him. He also felt Sophie hugging him tighter at the back.

The boy, Peter, came to join the group hug. “I still don’t know your real name but you’re very cool with your magic. Even your cape is great.” Sophie wasn’t offended in the slightest to be called a cape by the boy, which was unusual for her, and went to hug the boy and Tony.

“Aww, that’s so sweet.” Stephen looked up and saw the girl with antennas, Mantis ( her name was Mantis, he knew it from fighting along with her for so many lifetimes, in fact he knew all the Guardians’ names and history along with Tony’s and Peter’s by now), gave him a bowl of soup. “I sensed your loss, sadness, and hunger.”

Tony quickly retracted from the hug.  “Doc nearly fell. I just tried to keep him upright. Can’t let our heavy- hitter and sole wizard faint.”

Peter still kept on hugging him. Bless the boy’s heart.

Stephen received the bowl.  He smiled and nodded. “Thank you.”  

He and Wong were discussing about lunch before Banner fell down from the sky. It felt like a, well, more like 14-million lifetimes ago, that his main concern was for Wong not having any money. He just realized how hungry he was.

Peter released the hug. “Doc, you should eat.”

Tony added, “Yeah, don’t faint again.” He was not looking at anywhere but Stephen.

Mantis said, “We have more soup for the rest of you.”

Peter quickly ran to the rest of the Guardians asking for the soup.

Tony shook his head.  “That boy is always hungry.”

Mantis touched his shoulder lightly. ”Doc, I can sense your loss and your sadness. I can help you to remove them if you let me.”

That was a tempting offer but he couldn’t possibly let someone else experience such overwhelming emotions. He himself was enough. “I’m fine.” Both Tony and Mantis stared at him knowing that he lied.

Mantis shrugged. “If you need my help, I’m whole ears. I’d better show the boy where the soup is.” She left.

Tony rolled his eyes. “Those aliens really need to learn English idioms properly. They must have learned the wrong ones from that idiotic Star Lord. Doc, are you sure you don’t want those feelings removed? We don’t want you to freeze in the middle of upcoming battle to cry or laugh hysterically.” His words were biting but Stephen noticed that Tony’s eyes showed concerns.

 “I’m sure. Don’t worry, I won’t cry to embarrass the Avengers.”

“You’re not even an Avenger. I could knight you like I did to Peter.”

Stephen snorted. “That only worked for the boy. Besides, who said I wanted to be an Avenger?”

Tony gasped dramatically. “I’m offended that you insult my boy… and girl band. Well, at least you’re back to your sarcastic self so things can’t be that bad. If you join the Avengers, perhaps Ben and Jerry would name an ice cream after you—Strange Magic Mango or Strange Sweet Sorbet.”

“Are you calling me sweet?”

“You wish.”

Somebody cleared his throat. They looked up and saw Quill approaching.  “Are you ready to hear my awesome plan?”

Tony rolled his eyes. “If only. Anyway, I’ll listen to your stupid plan but let the Doctor rest.”

Quill nodded. “OK. Doc, I’m going to tell you later what you need to do.”

“I’m not an invalid.” Stephen tried to stand up but he fell back to his sitting position. Time travels were certainly no fun. Thankfully, Sophie was there to pick him up.

“Exactly my point. Sit tight and look pretty, Doc, We’ll be right back in a jiff when we need your powers.” Tony looked back at him before following Quill.

He called quietly at their retreating back. “Thanks.”

He felt a lump at his throat. He knew their plan would fail but he still let them do it anyway. Everything needed to be in motion for them to succeed in the end. Lose the battle but win the war. Even though most of them including him would die in the process. He felt so bad about letting them die. Personally, he would let only himself die if he could spare the others and win the war. But that was not the future that led to their victory.

He laughed bitterly as he remembered the Ancient One’s last words “It’s not about you” and “You always excelled but not because you craved success but because of your fear of failure” took a whole new meaning. He applied those words in his battle against Dormammu. He was willing to lose again and again for eternity to make sure Dormammu wouldn’t win.

The fact that his strategy let him win made him having a savior complex that he didn’t even realize he was having until his travels to the future.

His initial travels always followed the paths that would let him to save all of them but he kept failing. In some futures, he survived but othes didn’t. In some he died or got tortured by Thanos until he broke. He came to the realization that perhaps he was not the savior after all. Since then he casted his team mates as saviors. He still kept dying or being tortured in all those alternatives but at least the pressure was not on him to save them all. In one of those futures, with Tony being the savior, they succeeded in the end. Everyone who died because of Thanos’s fingersnap would be brought back to life.

He said quietly to himself. “I’m sorry, Tony. I know your greatest fear is to see everyone dies and you survive but this has to be done. Otherwise, all of us including your friends and teammates on Earth would die. I’m so sorry. I don’t envy you being the savior.” He sobbed quietly and Sophie massaged him to soothe his pain. Even if it was not about him, it still hurt to imagine Tony’s burden.

After a while, he put himself together and meditated. There was upcoming battle that he needed to participate in to set the wheels in motion.

**Author's Note:**

> -I think Tony and Stephen actually liked and respected each other. They only bickered in the beginning but they worked together afterward. I noticed Tony didn't give Stephen any nickname he just called him the wizard or Doc. So they must have clicked.  
> -This story is inpired by another fanfic titled "In Fourteen Million Futures, it's Hard Not to Know Someone" by ChangeTheCircumstances. The story went into Stephen's psyche.


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